Garter Belts for Jailbait?

We here at Room for Snark strongly believe that there are a few things about a woman that should just be kept personal or among close friends/significant others (weight, cup size, real age, etc.). Placed squarely in the middle of that category is lingerie preferences. Seriously, who other than your boyfriend/girlfriend/fuck buddy needs to know that you prefer thigh-highs and garter belts when you're romping around in the bedroom? Call us old-fashioned, but anything that looks like it came from Agent Provocateur has a time, a place, and definitely a target audience. Well, according to the recent runways and most-photographed "style mavens," that time is always, that place is everyone, and that audience is just about everybody. Even more disturbing is the increasing number of girls - and yes, we mean little girls - who seem hellbent on strutting their yet-to-hit-puberty stuff in things our mamas would never let us wear out of the house.

Oh, just kidding, y'all!!! That little girl is Taylor Momsen! It's okay that's she's parading around in lingerie even though she's barely old enough to drive! Jesus, J isn't even comfortable writing this. She's a little scared Chris Hansen's going to pop up at any minute, and she's not wearing her "running from the police" shoes today.

There are two main issues here:
1. Garter belts in public look RIDICULOUS.
2. Taylor Momsen in a garter belt is quite honestly something we never thought our eyes would have to witness.

Let's snark point by point, shall we?

1. Yes, Dita von Teese and her little wanna-be Evan Rachel Wood have done a lot to sensationalize "old glamour" and pin-up girls lately. And yes, Queen Dita is, well, known for dressing up in garter belts and lingerie and then taking them off. And we love her for that. But she doesn't freaking do it for the paps, kids. Strippers at the Silver Bullet are classier than a lot of these new lingerie looks. What ever happened to the air of mystery surrounding the way women dressed? What ever happened to keeping a few things secret? Don't get us wrong, we love tights and stockings in any shape, pattern, and size (except footless - there's a clearly defined line between acceptable leggings and god-awful footless tights), but thigh highs and garter belts are taking it a bit too far.

Call us old-fashioned, but this isn't quite the sensationalization that we want. There's a difference between a good Dolce & Gabbana dress that picks the girls up from off the ground and positions them right in the line of sight and literally wearing garter belts in public. You don't see Peggy and Joan parading around the office wearing just their naughty bits, do you? Byrdie Bell, it honestly just looks like you forgot to finish getting dressed.

2. Taylor Momsen is 16. We get that she's Little J. We get that she's too "mature" and "hip" for her age, or whatever other bullshit she spews in her interviews. That doesn't change the fact that she's a little girl. J's little brother is 15. If he started walking around in banana hammocks and Chippendale bowties, she'd stage an intervention. We don't expect you to start dressing like a child, but for everyone's sake, Tay-Tay, please don't wear this. The only difference between you and Courtney Love right now is the busted-ness of your respective faces. We're pretty sure even ol' Courtney's wearing more clothes than you right now, and that's saying a lot. Since when is it cool for teenagers barely old enough to drive (sorry if we're being repetitive here) to look like a walking one-night-stand? Put some clothes on, child. You've got your 20s to dress like a slutty trainwreck.

Again, call us old fogies, call us not cool enough to "get" fashion, call us whatever. We did grow up in the heart of the Midwest, otherwise known as the place fashion goes to die. But seriously, ladies, garter belts? What's next? Pretty soon, the now-infamous Lohan-Ungaro sequin pasties will be all that's required to pass as dressed. Who knows. Maybe these public lovers of lingerie are just celebrating Halloween early. After all, in the words of Barney Stinson, "if she's a witch...she's a SLUTTY witch!" Honestly, we're thrilled that the fashion from the '40s, '50s, and '60s is coming back. We just wish these girls wouldn't forget the rest of their clothes.

Photo courtsey of WhoWhatWear.